I can’t tell you the exact moment that it happened. Where I was or what I was doing but suddenly everything became clear to me and I now know what my calling is. I’m going to train in holistic/alternative therapies and become a healer. I’ve considered academia but I wouldn’t be helping people and I knew I needed to be useful. I’ve thought about teaching children as I love being around them but I knew I wouldn’t have enough stamina. Various conversations with people both recently and over the years, as well as my own transformative experiences with holistic/alternative therapies, showed me that this was the path I had to take. I’d already been on it for years without realising. For once I don’t feel impatient about getting started. I trust that everything will fall into place at the right time, because everything has been falling into place at the right time until now, even when it felt wrong. I sat in bed holding my new vision in my head and I felt so calm and content.
As soon as my vision became clear everything else started falling into place. The chiropractor who treated me when I lived in Cardiff called me to ask if I wanted to go to a healing day in Bath that weekend. I would have to drive on the motorway to Stroud and stay overnight with her, taking all my weird SIBO diet food with me, then have treatments all day that I would have no idea how I would react to…but I was certain this was a sign and I had to say yes.
I spent the night in a van, sleeping surprisingly deeply surrounded by dogs (they always stick to me like glue), and in the morning we heaved a motorhome across the gorgeous Cotswolds (and down worryingly narrow lanes) to the retreat just outside of Bath. The day consisted of three breathing exercises each followed by three treatments (or entrainments) on the table. It’s a specific type of chiropractic care called Network Spinal Analysis which I found to be highly effective when I was being treated in Cardiff.
The first session was about acknowledging your pain and that you are stuck. Afterwards I felt a horrible pain in my neck and felt sick. I felt afraid but I sat with it and the pain eased. Afterwards my neck felt better than it had for a long time. The second session was about taking back your power and refusing to be stuck anymore. It involved very powerful fast breathing and shouting affirmations like “I take back my power!” “I deserve more than this!” “Enough now!” We were told to see who or what was keeping us stuck. As if perfectly cued, piano music started playing on the stereo, just like my abusive ex used to play. I saw in my head all the ways he had disempowered me and I screamed the affirmations at the top of my lungs and let go. I also saw how my father’s fears have limited me. I was crying a lot and got straight onto the table for a treatment after the breathing exercise. The chiropractor told me that I hadn’t been supported enough in the past but that was going to change now. I don’t really remember what happened but I was fully sobbing buckets. After my entrainment I lay back down on my yoga mat to recover and ‘Happy’ by Pharrell came on the stereo. This is a significant song for me because when I was living in Cardiff my mum came to visit and we went to a Rock Choir day where we learnt to perform Happy. She said she hadn’t seen me smile like that in so long. I felt alive for the first time in years. When my ex came to collect us at the end of the day he was so shocked to see me smiling that it clearly made him feel uncomfortable. That day had been my first step to regaining my power, because I realised I could create my own happiness. As the song played whilst I lay on my yoga mat I began to laugh and I couldn’t stop. I had seen in my vision that I needed to be nearer to my brother who lives in Guernsey because he has always had such a positive outlook on life. I imagined dancing on the beach with him and our friends to Happy.
The third session is a bit of a blur to me now but I think it was about the emptiness after the discharge of your pain and how from this place of emptiness you can transcend into simply ‘being’. I did the most exercise I’d done in a long time during this breathing exercise and afterwards I sobbed sporadically as my core vibrated with energy for the third time that day. During my last time on the table I lay on my back and felt completely blissful as if I was floating and reached out a hand to touch heaven. We gathered in a circle at the end of the day and sent our love out into the world. I felt calm and sort of numb but not in a bad way. I felt no pain or fear or anything really. The chiropractor who ran the session told me that the things that have happened to me will give me great depth as a healer.
Filled with energy I sang all the way home and slept deeply that night. The next day I spent the day in silence, grounding myself by lying in the garden feeling slightly achy but not exhausted. The following day my friend came to visit and we walked on the hills and all around town and still I felt no pain. Five days have passed and I have not crashed. I’ve started to feel a little tired and sore but nothing a hot bath won’t fix. I’ll need to build up my stamina gradually but at least my muscles are actually working enough to let me do that now. I’m going to be living on my yoga mat!
My muscles have released. My mind is calm and clear. I love myself and trust that life will unfold exactly as it should. I let go of everything, despite my fears, and in return the universe filled me up with so much love and confidence. Now loving from a place of generosity not fear, a true friend has come back into my life bolstering me with love, care and praise. I couldn’t be happier.
More on Network Spinal Analysis from the chiropractor who ran the healing day: http://www.myabundantlife.co.uk/network.html