Today is the first day of spring, the spring equinox. A day when the hours of light and dark are equal and we look forward to new growth and lighter days.
Equinoxes are often a time of change. There can be a build up of energy before a final release. During this equinox, and the previous two, I have had to release loved ones from my life and start anew. It is a year since I began my more conscious journey into healing and it is only now that I can finally let go of the ties I began to loosen a year ago.
I was trying to ignore the emotions that have been rising up in me for the past week in the run up to the equinox and keep busy instead. My body had other ideas and stopped me in my tracks yesterday evening, telling me to rest instead. Now I had to face up to my emotions.
I found out the exact time of the spring equinox and sat in meditation. I felt afraid in my heart and stomach. It was a feeling of vulnerability and of sadness about the person I have released. Instead of letting it eat me away I acknowledged it. I saw myself as a new spring shoot, vulnerable but full of potential for growth. I saw the light and dark that is within all of us and I no longer felt the need to feel afraid or angry at the person. I no longer felt the need to love or save them either. I just let them go. Afterwards I felt stronger and more sure of myself. I no longer had the sinking feeling in my chest and stomach.
I’ve been clearing out my room in preparation for going away on my internship. It has felt very cathartic to get rid of things that no longer make me happy. After my meditation I had the energy I needed to get rid of the things that contain memories I no longer feel the need to hold on to. I feel like I’m finally moving on to a new stage of my life and I feel excited!
Is there anything you can clear away to make room for new growth this spring?
These words about change by the singer Laura Marling, from the song Goodbye England, are continually emotive for me and I cried when I heard her sing them at a festival last summer:
I’m clearing all the stuff out of my room,
Trying desperately to figure out what it is that makes me blue,
And I wrote an epic letter to you,
But it’s 22 pages front and back and it’s too good to be used
And I tried to be a girl who likes to be used
I’m too good for that.
There’s a mind under this hat,
And I called them all and told them I’ve got to move.
Feel like running
Feel like running,